i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this just has baby written all over it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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