Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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