Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
