apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
