Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
