Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
