I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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