Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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