You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
