Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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