my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
