Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bring me that man meat
Let's get the cat blown out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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