it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
