1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
