he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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