I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
