i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
