it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
