Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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