I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
