So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
