My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
