I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
