She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
