You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
