The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
