You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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