He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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