felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
