She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
