Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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