well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
