Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
