Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
