turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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