Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
