The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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