I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
