the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
