I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
