I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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