what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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