I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
