She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
