so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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