did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
