What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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