She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
