OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You don't make any sense
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