Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
