your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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