Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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