I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
