It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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