Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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