Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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