Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
